reality check

I realized the last day or two that my only sense of what Rwanda (the place where I initially land and may spend a day or so there) and Congo are like is based on two things:
1. the 1994 Rwandan genocide (I lived in Costa Rica in 1994 and devoured Newsweek, and saw issue after issue after issue of horror.)
2. the media reports of atrocities (like rape) committed in DRC. For example, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8677637.stm

I know there is so much more to these countries. Heck, I have a friend living in DRC and I hear other stories about how this orphanage longs to be self-sufficient, how there is joy in the midst of suffering, etc. But yet, as the countdown begins (19 days!), I find myself feeling overwhelmed by these complicated histories, these cultures unlike my own in many ways.

It probably doesn't help that I went to the State Dept website today and started reading about the warnings about traveling in DRC. My body also seems to be in rebellion, and my nose and sinuses are leading the charge. Between that and the drizzly day I'm ready to curl up with a book and some tea and pretend that I can live an insulated life. (And yet, and yet, that's not the life I want to lead. This wrestling may never end, and I don't think it should. And yet.)

On a happier note, I have seven pounds of formula and promises for more. I'll end there, and keep further pondering internal for a while.